The Fragile and the Broken
by BrilliantDarkness
Summary: Okay this is another Reid and Maggie story. It takes place after my other one "Never My Love" Probably won't see the rest of the team but then again, you never know. Mature rating for language, sex and sexual violence. Reviews welcomed and encouraged!
1. Chapter 1

**Note: For those who have read, "Don't Think, Just Feel" you already know Maggie. These events take place after my story "Never My Love" If you haven't read that one, it would help you understand what is tarnation is going on in this one. I am sorry for the shock this may cause some of you. I was not altogether prepared for what Spencer does in this story. There will be more coming soon and for anyone who has read my other stories that follow "Never My Love" you will already know how some of this will turn out. Please let me know what you think.-J.**

Maggie lay in bed listening to Spencer's breathing. He was finally asleep. It had been a rough day. She wondered if she had been this erratic after she had been raped. Pity those around her if she had, they wouldn't have known what was going on because she never told anyone what had happened to her. Next to her Spencer shifted and whimpered softly. Maggie held her breath and then relaxed as his breathing returned to regularity; no nightmare this time. The nightmares were the worst only because sometimes there was just no consoling him. If she was lucky, she could wake him at the start of the dream and then just hold him while he cried. It hurt her in a way she could scarcely comprehend to listen to his sobs as his breath heaved against her but at least in those times she could provide some level of comfort for him. It was the times when she couldn't wake him that really fractured her psyche; and other parts of her as well. Currently she was sporting two black eyes and a split lip from recent nights. Thankfully the swelling was minimal and she was able to cover the discoloration with make up. No one at work had figured it out yet and she was only hoping no one would. This wouldn't go on forever. Maggie yawned and felt the weight of her exhaustion hit full force. She was so on edge lately and not getting much sleep to boot. She looked over at Spencer one last time to reassure herself that he was sleeping soundly and only then she allowed herself to roll over and fall asleep.

Less than an hour later she was pulled from her slumber, literally, as in by her hair. She could hear and feel her pajamas rip as rough hands grabbed harshly for her breasts. _Oh my God, _she thought, _someone broke in. Where's Spencer? He must be hurt or he would help me. _She turned her head to face her attacker and the blood in her veins went ice cold. Spencer was on top of her; her beautiful, sweet, tender Spencer. She couldn't process this. It just couldn't be. He wouldn't hurt her. But he was. She dully felt that he was hard and jabbing at her side while her panties were unceremoniously pushed aside. She felt his fingers violently ramming into her. Her sense of self preservation took over. Maggie brought a knee up into his diaphragm knocking his wind away and causing him to withdraw his hand. She thrashed her arms connecting with the side of his head and he rolled from her with a yelp. In an instant Maggie was cowering in the corner wrapped in the quilt from the bed. This could not be happening. Frightened, she raised her eyes to see a physically deflated, in every way, Spencer sitting on the bed dumbfounded.

"Maggie, you hit me."

"Stay put or I will again."

"I don't understand."

"Neither do I Spencer but just stay there. Don't come any closer to me."

"Maggie what happened?"

At this point Spencer noticed he still had a piece of her pajama material clutched in one hand. He dropped the scrap as if it were on fire.

"No I couldn't have."

But the look on Maggie's face said that he had. Frantically he grabbed his clothes from the chair next to the bed.

"I'll go."

"You can't."

"I can't stay. Not after what I just did."

Maggie took a deep breath trying to stop her shaking. It didn't really work. When she spoke it was a quiet, almost mousy voice that escaped her mouth.

"Please wait for me downstairs. I want to talk to you but I don't feel safe here."

Spencer reacted to those words as if he'd been slapped. She didn't feel safe. She didn't feel safe with her boyfriend in her own bedroom. When did he become someone who made women feel unsafe? This was like being in an alternate reality and he didn't like it one bit. Spencer nodded. He left the room slowly. He didn't want to make any sudden moves and frighten her more. He was careful to leave as large a distance as possible between himself and where Maggie crouched.

Spencer sat in the living room feeling absolutely horrible. Barrett climbed onto his lap and began to rub at him.

"I don't deserve your kindness, Barrett."

Spencer's voice cracked. Damn it! He couldn't let himself cry; he didn't have the right. His head was throbbing where she hit him. Well, he did deserve it. Spencer looked up when he heard footsteps descending the stairs. Maggie had dressed in sweats. Even in sweats with her eyes blackened and her hair a mess, she was undoubtedly the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on; Alexa Lisbon be damned! Tears streaked her face and he wanted to die right there for being the one that caused them.

Spencer opened his mouth to speak but his words stuck in his throat when she raised a hand and shook her head. She had no emotion whatsoever behind her eyes. The light that was always there, even when she relived something painful was gone. Her beautiful emerald eyes were dull and nearly dead looking. Spencer felt sick to see the distance she was now putting between herself and her emotions. It physically hurt him to see the effort it took for her to find the courage to continue down the stairs once she caught sight of him.

"I'll be on the porch Spencer; I can't do this in here."

She couldn't even be inside with him. He had driven the woman he loved not only from her bedroom but from her own home as well. He was a monster, pure and simple. He waited for her to leave and then got up to follow.


	2. Chapter 2

He found her sitting cross legged on the porch swing; dead center. Her body language telling him in no uncertain terms that he wouldn't be joining her on the swing. There would be no marveling at how they fit together like puzzle pieces as they lazily rocked on the swing. There might never be again. She nodded to a chair she had placed near the swing. Spencer sat and waited for her to talk. It seemed an eternity passed and he wanted to say something. But he knew that it wasn't his turn. This was all in her command and on her time. If he ever felt grateful for dealing with so many horrified victims in his job, he did so now. He knew she needed to be able to feel some sense of control and he was more than willing to give it to her. At last she took a very deep breath and spoke.

"Do you remember what happened?"

Her voice was small, timid and it made Spencer flinch as if she had screamed at him. He actually wished she would scream and yell; throw things at him or even hit him again. This meek, tiny, frightened voice coming from a body fighting to keep control was unbearable.

"I didn't at first but I do now. Maggie, I am so, so sorry."

"I don't want your apologies; I want to know why that happened."

"I don't know."

"Yes. You do."

He almost denied it again but he realized he did in fact know.

"I'd rather not say…"

"I don't really care what you'd rather. I think I deserve an explanation for why my wonderful, gentle boyfriend just tried to rape me."

The word stung him but well, it is what happened and why should she pussyfoot around it?

"Maggie, there's no defense for what happened. I-"

"Did I ask for a defense, Spencer? Explain it to me."

"I don't deserve this level of kindness and understanding from you."

"God damned you, Spencer Reid! Are you trying deliberately to break my heart?"

The tears burst through and Spencer sat there more perplexed than ever.

"You are so fucking dense Spencer. Do you think I'm stupid? I know this has something to do with what he did to you. I need you to explain. I need to understand so I can feel safe with you again."

"Maggie you shouldn't put up with abuse. No woman should."

"Spencer, don't you realize you're sick? You have PTSD. You won't have it forever. I know in my head you'd never intentionally hurt me. I know that. I just need to know what happened and what brought it about so I can feel as secure as I know I should."

Spencer shook his head. He felt terrible and knew he didn't deserve a woman like Maggie and the sooner she came to that conclusion, the better for her.

"Spencer, you are still my brave knight. I just need to know which windmills you are tilting at. Please, my love. Please."

That did it. When it came right down to it, he couldn't deny her anything. Not that she ever asked for a great deal but whatever she wanted, he'd eventually cave.

"When I was at the cabin, I had to pretend that I was Tyler. I had to play into Karsten's delusion to stay alive. So when I couldn't lie my way out of sex anymore, he thought it was consensual. Of course he thought I was someone I wasn't. I know I didn't give him permission. It's not like that. But while he was, um, inside me, he stroked me. I got, well, um, I-I"

"You got an erection. Spencer, your nerve endings don't know what's going on. That was a completely involuntary response. I know you know that."

"I do but I had a dream. It wasn't as bad as some but I woke up and I was, you know."

"Stimulated?"

"Yes. Anyway, I felt, I don't even know where this feeling came from because I am certainly not the alpha male type but I guess I felt I had something to prove. It hit me that we hadn't made love since I got back from Ohio and I guess I felt insecure about things."

"Things like your masculinity and your sexual orientation?"

Spencer just nodded looking ashamed.

Maggie scooted to one side of the swing.

"Come here."

Spencer looked at her uncertain but did not move.

"Spencer, don't make me hit you again. That last hit you took is already leaving a mark. Get your skinny self over here right now."

Spencer did what he was told but he sat on the other end of the swing as far from Maggie as possible making sure not to touch her.

Maggie took one of Spencer's hands into her own and intertwined their fingers.

"See now that I can understand. I know you wake up confused but if you wake up in a state of, shall we say, excitement again, wake me up first. I would have loved nothing more than to be intimate with you, though right now I'm a little scared, I admit. Hell, I'm terrified. You really don't have to try to take what would have been given freely. You don't need to question your sexual orientation Spencer. We both know where you stand there and you are more than man enough for me, which last I checked was all you said you cared about anyway. Every time I think I am the most messed up person on the planet, you out crazy me. And I don't mean that in the negative way that you think."

"Maggie, I really don't know how to make this up to you."

"How about you just hold me without getting all fresh?"

"Deal."


	3. Chapter 3

**Me again. While not from Virginia, Colonial Williamsburg is in fact one of my favorite places in the whole world. It made sense for me that it might be Maggie's as well. I welcome anyone not familiar to google Williamsburg to see how lovely it is.**

There they sat for a long while with Maggie curled against Spencer. She wasn't completely relaxed against him as she would normally be but just being this close and having the smell of her hair fill his nostrils gave him hope. He had honestly believed he would never experience this again. It frightened him more than the hulking figure in his dreams.

"Maggie, did I hurt you? I mean, physically."

"It wasn't pleasurable but I don't think that was the aim at the time. I'm a little sore but I think I'm fine. So, no dear, you didn't hurt me. Scared me half to death but we'll deal with that in time."

"I'm glad you aren't hurt. You sound so tired. You should get some sleep."

Maggie looked at him uneasily.

"I'll be in the guest room unless you want me on the couch."

"Guest room is fine as long as you don't start sleep walking or some such nonsense."

Spencer actually slept the rest of the night with no further interruptions from Stanley Karsten. When he woke the next morning he felt better. Well, he felt better about his own recovery but still like the most despicable human to walk the earth where Maggie was concerned. Waking in the guest room stung but he felt lucky to be allowed in the house at all. After dressing, Spencer went down the stairs and realized quickly that Maggie was still asleep. That was good. He knew she hadn't had a good night's sleep in a long time and after last night, she deserved one now more than ever. Quietly he left the house and made his way to the grocery a few blocks away. With his purchases made, he walked back to Maggie's house hoping she was still asleep. He entered the house and the only sound was Browning meowing a loud hello to him.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well, sir?"

He didn't even think twice about conversing with the cats anymore. They really were such individuals and so vocal it was almost like they were people, though Spencer was certain that both felines would have been horribly offended at that notion. Once the cats were greeted and fed, he set to work. A short while later he was headed up the stairs again with a tray in hand. He stopped at Maggie's room and lightly knocked on the door.

"Maggie, it's me, Spencer, can I come in?"

He could hear her rustling around and then heard her cautious voice.

"Yes."

Not "Yes my prince or my love" Not any sweet tiding that he had once been able to count on. But she had said yes so he turned the knob while balancing the tray against his hip and entered the room slowly.

"Good morning my fair maiden; I come bearing sustenance."

He slowly walked to her, not wanting to frighten her. He could see her eyes widen and the effort it took to control her fear. She knew he was trying to make this up to her if such a thing were really possible.

"What have you done, Spencer?"

There was a smile on her face and it was creeping into her voice but had still not taken its usual residence in her vibrant green eyes.

"I made breakfast. Well, I didn't actually cook but I did put it together."

He was actually proud of what he was setting in front of her. Sliced fresh peaches, her favorites, toasted onion bagel with lots of cream cheese; she insisted that cream cheese was actually its own food group. Orange juice and a fresh bouquet of flowers, pale pink tulips-something he knew she had a particular weakness for-rounded out the presentation.

"Actually the bagel is toasted. I think that counts as cooking, sort of. Did you eat?"

He shook his head.

"Coffee."

"Spencer Reid, what have I told you about skipping breakfast?"

"Maggie, please, this isn't about me. Please don't deflect."

"Deflect?"

"Change the subject to avoid the attention being on yourself."

Maggie looked up from her bagel with an expression of guilt.

"You're right. I didn't even realize I was doing that."

"Well, stop it; because today is take care of Maggie day. I made that. I'm thinking of petitioning to make it a national holiday."

"But what about taking care of Spencer? He still needs some looking after."

"Not today. Today he needs to feel needed and not like he's made of glass."

"Fair enough. What's on the agenda for today?"

"Whatever you want."

"And if I wanted to give you a makeover and braid your hair?"

"I'm all yours."

Maggie laughed. It was a bit of a nervous laugh but it was something and it sounded like heaven to Spencer.

"Well, I don't think braids are you. But I'm sure I could think of some things to fill our day."

As they spoke, Maggie had finished her breakfast. Spencer took the tray and headed for the door.

"You get ready. I'll be waiting downstairs for whatever you plan."

Mere minutes later, Maggie came down the stairs in her favorite spring dress. She had taken time to put concealer around her eyes and run a brush through her hair. Heading for the front door she grabbed a sweater and slipped into a pair of ballerina flats then looked over at Spencer who was watching her, completely bewitched.

"You coming?"

Spencer nodded and off they went.

Maggie drove them to the Colonial part of Williamsburg. She never tired of walking through the little shops and even the more touristy type spots. They spent the day there walking Duke of Gloucester Street and stopping in every little shop. After a trip to a book store, Maggie led Spencer to the courtyard behind the old Governor's residence and had him read the book to her, not all of it but she sat for quite a while just listening to the melodic tones of his voice. The sun was setting and the two got up to head for home. And it was their home even though there had never been any official announcement of moving in; she had just taken him in after Ohio and kept him there, not trusting that he was well enough to be alone yet. And truth be told, he wasn't. Spencer didn't delude himself that he would live there forever but he was comfortable and felt safe. It was a home. He had never had one of those before. The fact that he could have lost the only one ever presented to him turned his stomach over.

"What's tumbling around in that head of yours Spencer?"

She took his hand and a sense of peace filled him.

"How easily I could have lost you, lost this."

"I'm not that easy to get rid of or haven't you figured that out yet?"

"I'm serious Maggie. You could have thrown me out into the street and I would have deserved it. I deserved worse."

"Let's just say I'm a big picture kind of gal. One thing sort of bothers me about last night though."

"Besides the attempted rape, you mean?"

"Yes, of course. You said that part of what drove you was the fact that we hadn't been together since you came back. But it wasn't me who had been shooting that down. You said that every time I would touch you in any sexual way, all you could think of was him. Has something changed?"

"I think it has. Though last night was more anger at myself than anything else. I don't want you to think I was blaming you for anything or saying you caused what happened. That's all on me. But to answer your question, I can say that I think I am moving past attaching sex to him."

"What makes you think that?"

"Well, when you hold my hand, I get all tingly like when we first met and all I can think of are times when we were together."

Maggie wrapped her arms around his waist as they walked.

"That's a big hurdle. I think it took me years before I could even think of sex without those images."

"Well, that was your first experience with sex. That is so wrong that it happened that way for you."

"I know. But this means you are much more resilient than you give yourself credit for."

"I guess. Maggie, can I kiss you? Is it okay that I even asked that?"

"Yes, to both questions."

Spencer turned and bent his head pressing his lips to hers. If heaven existed, this would be how it felt all the time and the only sound would be her laughter. He tried to deepen the kiss but Maggie pulled back growing rigid in his arms.

"I can't right now. I want to go home."

"I'm sorry, Maggie."

"No, don't be, I guess I can't blame a guy for trying. I just can't deal with that right now."


	4. Chapter 4

They drove home in silence. Spencer wanted to say something but was at a complete loss as to what might help. Maggie was just as conflicted. On the one hand there was the heat and desire she felt when he kissed her. She had tried to touch him since he came home, nothing overt but softly stroking his chest or kissing his neck. Every time he tensed and she knew that all he could see or feel was that monster in Ohio. But on the other hand there was the panic that overtook her when he pressed his lips harder into hers and his mouth opened against hers. He hadn't meant to but he had opened a particularly ugly bunch of memories for her. She wanted to cry at the thought that they would forever share their bed with rapists.

As they drove, Spencer noticed Maggie shifting in her seat and wincing more than once. When they finally reached Maggie's house and were walking toward the porch, he couldn't refrain from asking.

"Are you sure I didn't hurt you?"

"I'm just a little sore. I don't normally go in for the rough stuff."

She had hoped to sound like she was shrugging it off but really she sounded every bit as scared as she was. The realization was hitting her that this was more serious than either wanted to admit.

"Maggie, you should get checked out. Make sure that nothing is seriously hurt."

"Spencer, and do you want to be there when I tell the doctors how I came to be there having my lady parts examined and what exactly happened to them?"

"I know how this will sound but will you let me look? I am a doctor you know."

He wanted to convey the boyish charm that would put her at ease but he was really frightened of what he would find.

"So am I. Which of your degrees do you think will be helpful in this endeavor; math, chem., or engineering?"

"Maggie, please, I know you don't have to do me any more favors than you have but I really need to know. I won't touch you and I won't do anything to you. I promise. I just really think that if you're hurting, you should know if it's bad or not."

Maggie had just about had it with Spencer's irrefutable logic. He was right, she did need to have it looked at, truth be told, it wasn't just a minor discomfort, her labia felt raw and torn apart.

Upstairs on her bed, Maggie tried to put her mind somewhere else.

"You know, other doctors that do this sort of thing at least have pictures on the ceiling for you to look at."

"Really?"

Spencer didn't know that. What he did know was that Maggie was terrified at this moment and he knew it was all his fault. She slid her panties off and bent her knees allowing her skirt to fall around her waist. Tentatively she opened her knees to allow him to look at her. He could only stand a short glance at her face once he saw how tightly screwed shut her eyes were. He shone a flashlight at her and was horrified.

"I'm so sorry."

It was all he could manage to say before running to the bathroom to vomit. Maggie followed closely behind him and knelt next to him holding his longish chestnut hair back from his face as he emptied his stomach contents into her toilet. When he had nothing left to lose from his stomach, and he could stop the heaving, he collapsed onto the floor and just cried. It was Maggie's turn to be confused. He had seen every inch of her nude body in the past and it never yielded this result.

Maggie sat helpless on the bathroom floor trying to figure out what was wrong with Spencer.

"Baby, please talk to me."

"Go. Now. You're not safe."

"Spencer, I'm not going anywhere. I don't understand what's happening."

Spencer collected himself as best he could. Maggie noticed how exceptionally pale he was, even for him. Almost ghostly one might say, or perhaps ghastly.

"Maggie when a doctor performs what we call a rape kit, biological material is only part of the equation. Anytime there is sexual intercourse or penetration of any kind, there is some sort of trauma to the area. Some very minor bruising or abrasion. To sort what is consensual from what isn't, the doctor looks at the labia and opening of the vagina as a clock and depending on where the signs of sexual contact are, which numbers on the clock face, the doctor can make a fairly certain determination of the nature of the contact. You have severe bruising and moderate to severe abrasions all around the clock face. You've been raped, Maggie. I raped you. There is no question that there was forced, violent penetration. I am reasonably certain everything will heal, physically. But I'm going to call Morgan to come get me. You're not safe with me here. I'm a monster. I need to leave."

Spencer began to retch again but there was nothing left to bring up.

Maggie could not believe what had been said. It scared her. Sure she knew that rape didn't have to involve vaginal penetration with a penis. She was the one who gave lectures on that sort of thing to her students. But she had to talk to him. She had to try to make some sense out of the confusing place her life had become.

"Maggie, please leave the room. I'll call someone. Just go so you can be safe."

"No. You can't leave. There won't be anyone to take care of you if you leave."

"That shouldn't be your concern."

"Don't you fucking tell me what to feel or what should concern me. That's worse than anything you did to me last night."

"But I.."

That was it. Maggie lost it right then and there.

"You, you, you! You aren't the only person here, you know? You don't get to make all of the decisions for both of us."

Maggie was panting at this point. If anyone had told her just yesterday that she would be able to be this angry at anyone, let alone her dear Spencer, she wouldn't have believed it. As for Spencer, he was laying flat on his back on the bathroom floor trying to make sense of her outburst. Not only her anger but her words. He knew that she could swear like a longshoreman but it still surprised him. He would miss all of her wonderful contradictions.


	5. Chapter 5

While Spencer was still reeling from Maggie's outburst, she spoke again.

"This is still take care of Maggie day, right?"

Spencer nodded.

"You have to do what I want?"

Again, he nodded.

"Then I want you to shut the fuck up and listen to me. Really listen, not just smile and nod and be all patronizing. Got it?"

"Yes, Maggie."

"Good. And don't you dare interrupt me or I'll have to give you a matching welt on the other side of your head. Are we clear?"

Spencer nodded. He was at this point actually afraid to speak.

"First, get up off of the bathroom floor."

He stood.

"This way."

She led him back into her bedroom.

"Sit."

Spencer was about to protest but the look in her eyes told him that was a very bad and possibly even dangerous idea. He sat on the very end of the bed and watched as Maggie picked up her panties and slid them back on.

"You scared the shit out of me when you ran out like that. I didn't have a chance to put them on before and you know going commando isn't really my style.

Spencer studied his hands in his lap.

"Eyes up, please. I need to know you're paying attention to me. I know right now you look at me and see some poor, misguided battered woman. I am not a Tammy Wynnette song. I don't need anyone to tell me what is good for me. I know what's good for me. This thing, what happened, it isn't you. You're sick, Spencer."

Maggie paused and analyzed Spencer's face. He was working so hard to keep from speaking that he was no longer able to listen.

"You need to say something. Be brief, this isn't a discussion."

"You say I'm sick and you may be right. So was Stanley Karsten. It doesn't make it right."

"No, it doesn't. I never said it did. I never said this was okay. I'll be very honest; I don't really trust you right now. I don't know how long that will take. You took me back to a place I swore I would never be again. I am so mad right now. I'm mad at you and him and God and the world. I will get over being mad and the injuries will heal. I know I can survive. I've been through worse. You'll survive too. You will recover and you won't always be this erratic and out of control. Now we can survive together or apart and I'm not sure I really could survive losing you. I know I don't really want to find out. This probably makes me weak in your eyes and on any other day after any other night; I might give a flying fuck what you think of me. Today I just don't."

Maggie stopped pacing and looked down at her feet and then into Spencer's eyes. There were tears on the edge of her lids but she would not let them fall. When she spoke again, her voice was soft and controlled.

"You may speak. I've said what I needed to."

"I don't know what to say."

"Then you think. I'm going to take a bath. I need to soak my girl parts. They're kind of sore."

Maggie left the room leaving Spencer alone with his thoughts.

* * *

Maggie relaxed into the tub and tried to think. So far her reactions had come from some sort of emotional autopilot that she didn't understand at all. What exactly was she thinking? He raped her. He really did. As much as she wanted to gloss over that and go back to the way things were, how could she? If one of her students came to her for advice and spun a tale like this one, she'd be dialing the police for said student. Maggie started to cry. All of the years she struggled to move her status from victim to survivor and here she was in the shadow of the V-word once again. He had done that to her. How could she contemplate forgiving him? How could she still love him? Maggie was hardly the pillar of logic that Spencer was and she admitted often that she was ruled by her emotions that were irrational and illogical in nature. But at least she knew her own heart. She didn't need to understand, did she? Did one need to know the why's in order to know the what's? There was only one fact to know and it was a simple if simply unthinkable one. Maggie loved Spencer.

There was a knock at the bathroom door causing Maggie to flinch.

"Spencer?"

"It's me, Maggie."

Spencer leaned against the outside of the door. Was that a hopeful tone he heard in her voice when she called his name? He didn't think he should dare to hope but he really wanted to.

"Maggie, I love you."

"Spencer, come in. Talking through the door is ridiculous."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Spencer, I'm sure."

The doorknob turned and briefly Maggie felt panic. Why did she invite him in? Spencer opened the door just far enough to peek his head around.

"You're sure this is okay?"

Maggie was nearly covered in bubbles with her long dark hair pinned haphazardly up and out of the water. Spencer noticed that the discoloration was starting to fade from around her eyes. Through the bubbles he could see the elegant curves of the tops of her breasts. He was beyond horrified to see the marks where his fingers had dug into them.

"Please sit down."

She nodded to the toilet and he took a seat upon its lid. Then Maggie looked at him waiting politely for him to speak.

"I just want you to be happy and safe. I haven't been much help to you in either area lately."

"That's not entirely your fault."

"Maggie, I really wish you would stop defending me."

"Someone has to. You'd crucify yourself if left to your own devices."

They sat in silence for a while and then Spencer spoke.

"Are we going to be okay again? I know you're afraid of me now. I can see the bruises and frankly I'm afraid of me too. But is there going to come a point where we can be happy and okay and not afraid anymore?"

"Yes, I am afraid right now. And yes we will be okay again. Of that I am certain."

"Your water must be freezing by now. I should let you get out."

Spencer rose and turned to walk out of the room. He heard the sloshing of water behind him.

"Could you at least hand me my towel before you go?"

Spencer turned to see Maggie standing in the tub naked but for a few patches of bubbles that were not strategically placed and therefore not obscuring anything. Her body language read frightened but determined. He handed her the towel fighting to avoid gazing too long at her form.

"Milady."

"Thank you, Sweet Prince."

Maggie wrapped the towel around herself and then held out a hand to Spencer.

"Help me out?"

He took her hand and she inhaled sharply but the steely determination didn't falter in her eyes. He steadied her as she stepped out of the tub.

"Again, thank you."

Maggie walked past him toward her room where she closed the door behind her.


	6. Chapter 6

Spencer walked down the hall to the library. He remembered the first time he had laid eyes on the room. He knew she was the perfect woman for him. He'd never even met another woman who'd had her own library in her house. Books or book shelves yes, but not an entire room devoted to books. He didn't really feel like reading but being around books was soothing.

"Need a recommendation?"

Spencer jumped and turned to see Maggie standing in the doorway. Her hair was still up except for the small tendrils here and there that had escaped her less that precise pinning. Her pajamas were easily two sized too big for her. Yet Spencer was sure that models with teams of stylists could not match her natural carefree beauty. His breath was literally taken from him. He was only able to stare at her with his mouth open.

"Okay Barrett and Browning, give Spencer his tongue back."

Spencer's brow furrowed.

"As in 'cat got your tongue'? I know you've heard that one before."

Spencer just stared at her.

"I know it wasn't that funny but I'm trying here."

"You just surprised me is all."

"We're not strangers. I won't act as if we are."

"Maggie, I don't know how to do this. I don't know what's acceptable or appropriate."

Maggie dropped into one of the overstuffed reading chairs and gestured to another one. Spencer lowered himself into it not taking his eyes off of Maggie.

"Don't think, just feel. Tell me what you're feeling. I need to know. I need you to be honest with me."

Spencer paused and then just let the words come.

"I love you, of that I am certain. I hate me for causing you pain. I feel like dying every time you tense or I see any evidence of how much I scare you. I am bewildered at how I became someone so dangerous. The word 'rapist' keeps ringing in my ears and I hate that it's what I have become. I want to be able to wrap you up in my arms and keep you safe, to make you feel better. When you hold me like that it feels like home, or how I imagined home would feel. I want for you to feel that safety but I can't make you feel safe and secure like that because I am what scares you."

"Wow, you're getting way better at this discussing your feelings business, Spencer. I'm really proud of you."

Her voice was sincere, warm, reassuring. He looked at her and noticed a warm glow in her eyes. It wasn't a sparkle or the bright, joyful light he was accustomed to but it was warmth and it was directed at him.

"Alright my prince, tell me exactly what you want at this moment. I can handle it and I need to know. Please."

Spencer hesitated. He knew full well what he wanted and on some level needed but could she really handle hearing it at this point?

"Spencer don't you even think about keeping anything from me. I'll know if you're not telling me the truth."

"I want to kiss you, stroke your hair, caress your body and make love to you. I want you to fall asleep in my arms and I want to wake feeling the warmth from your body against mine."

It came out in a breathless heap and once the words escaped his mouth, Spencer desperately wanted to take them back. There was a moment of fear in Maggie's eyes but then the warmth was back. She closed her eyes briefly before she spoke in very deliberate words.

"I want those things too. But I'm not in a place where I can do the things I want to. Do you understand?"

Spencer nodded. Maggie stood.

"I would however, like a hug. Actually I really need a hug."

He stood and encircled her in his arms and she wound hers around his waist. This was good. Within his embrace he felt Maggie relax against him. He was elated. Maggie removed one arm from around him and snaked it around his neck placing the hand on the back of his head. When she spoke her voice was soft and childlike but very sure.

"Kiss me."

He pressed his lips to hers basking in her warmth. He attempted to withdraw his lips from hers, not wanting a repeat of the awkward, fearful scene from earlier. But her hand tightened on his head, not in fear but to hold his mouth to hers for a little longer. She eventually and with some reluctance separated from him.

"God, I love that."

"I do too. Are you okay, Maggie?"

"I'm not entirely okay yet but if you mean with the kiss, then yes, I am very okay."

She had been heading for the door of the library but she suddenly twirled around and grabbed him tightly around the waist as if clinging for her very life. Without conscious thought Spencer's arms coiled around her until she relaxed into his chest. She sighed a sweet and cooing sigh before speaking.

"Yup, this is still home."


	7. Chapter 7

For what seemed like the happiest minutes of his life, Maggie and Spencer stood together she tucked neatly into his arms, safe against his chest. It was almost as if the horrid events of the previous night hadn't happened at all. Maggie yawned against him.

"My heavens. I guess I'm not as young as I used to be. All that drama really does me in."

"Did you just say 'my heavens'?"

"Yes. Why?"

"It just makes me laugh that you can be so demure and proper but I know that you could just as easily string together enough cuss words to make a sailor blush."

Maggie laughed and looked up at him with her dancing, smiling eyes. They were indeed sparkling again. For that moment everything was once again right in Spencer Reid's world. He knew it wouldn't last. She was tired and needed her sleep. He had seen the damage done to her body (by him!) and she needed rest to heal. He didn't want to let go and be banished to the guest room but it was the right thing to do. No matter how badly he wanted to just stand there forever holding her, he had to put her needs first. He let her go after kissing the top of her head tenderly.

"Good night my fair maiden."

"Good night, Sweet Prince."

Maggie squeezed his hand lightly before turning and walking out of the library. It suddenly became clear to Spencer that he was also exhausted. There had been a lot of emotion throughout the day and that had worn him out. He reached over and gave Barrett a quick scratch behind the ears before turning out the light and leaving the room. He made his way down the hall only taking brief notice of the fact that Maggie's door was open and started into the guest room.

"A bit turned around, are you dear?"

Spencer turned at the sound of her voice with an admittedly dumb look on his face.

"That's the guest room, baby. You're not a guest. You live here, remember?"

"I thought…"

"And how many times have I told you to stop that thinking stuff?"

"Maggie, it's so soon. I don't want to frighten you and you need your sleep. You have a lot of healing to do. I don't want you awake all night because you're afraid Mr. Hyde will show up again."

"Well, I don't see how I'm going to get any sleep at all without Dr. Reid. Get in here and quit arguing with me. It's not midnight yet and so it's still my day where you have to do what I say. Get in here before I rethink the whole braiding your hair idea."

Spencer gave in, as if there was any doubt that he would. How could he say no to her? He couldn't before this had happened and now he really felt he could not deny her anything. If she asked for the moon, as little sense as that made, he supposed he would try to get there and bring as much back for her as he could. Once in her room, he started to crawl into the bed.

"I'd ask if you usually sleep in a shirt and tie but I already know that you don't. It won't offend my girly sensibilities for you to change…you remember which drawer is yours?"

He nodded and walked to the dresser. Once there he pulled out pajama bottoms, slid off his pants and quickly redressed before discarding his tie and shirt. Once again he started climbing into the bed.

"That's better."

"Are you sure about this, Maggie?"

"Yes, and I'm sure that I'll hit you if you don't quit asking me that."

"I just really don't want to make you feel unsafe."

Spencer lay down and before he could react, Maggie's head was on his chest, her hair splayed across his shoulder.

"Mmmmm…now I think I can sleep."

He didn't know what to do with his hands. It was worse than the uncertainty of their first sexual encounter where he didn't know what to do to not appear clumsy. He felt the same fear except that he didn't want her to think he was trying anything.

"Spencer, hold me."

Okay, she was nothing if not perceptive. She could have been a profiler. He draped his arms around her careful to not brush her anywhere that could be interpreted as taking liberties.

"Don't be so tense, my love. Nothing is happening tonight except that you are comforting me and making me feel safe. I don't even care how irrational that sounds. All I know is that I love you and I feel better when your arms are around me. Just keep it PG, Fella"

"Yes, ma'am."

They just lay together like that for a while until eventually Maggie stirred a little and spoke.

"The bruises and stuff, pretty bad, huh?"

Spencer really didn't want to even think about it knowing that he had done that to her but she asked and it was her body and she certainly had a right to know.

"Yes. I don't want this to sound like an accusation but when I asked you the first time last night if I hurt you, were you trying to protect me? There had to have been bleeding."

"The pain was pretty bad but I hadn't changed my panties yet and didn't know there was blood. When I saw the blood earlier today, I didn't want to admit that it was related. There was tearing then?"

"There is. Your labia suffered small tears."

"It doesn't hurt anymore."

"The bath probably helped you."

"It did."

She snuggled her head deeper into him and he could feel her breath against his neck. Under any other circumstances he would be straining at his pajama bottoms but something kept him from seeing her as a sexual thing right now. She was in need of something else from him and somehow his body knew the difference and he was able to just hold her a little tighter and let her drift off to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Spencer woke to Maggie squeezing him tightly enough to choke the air out of him. It was dark and he squinted at the red, glowing numbers on the clock, 3:24.

"Spencer! Help me, Spencer!"

"Maggie, I'm here. Please wake up."

Maggie opened her eyes. She was trembling and her grip on him did not loosen. Spencer didn't think or second guess but just smoothed and stroked her hair with his hand.

"Spencer?"

"Yes, honey, I'm right here."

She was cold and clammy and he felt hot tears hit his chest.

"Spencer," she whimpered, "don't let me go."

"I won't sweetie. Can you tell me about it?"

"It was him, Payne Phelps. I haven't thought about him in anything but the abstract in so many years but there he was, his smug, nasty self with that arrogant smirk."

She kept her death grip around him and dissolved once more into tears.

"He's not here, Maggie. There's only me, your rapist du jour."

Maggie sat up suddenly and without warning slapped him hard across the face.

"Don't you ever say anything like that again. You are nothing like him."

"Maggie I'm no different."

"You weren't even fully conscious or aware of what you were doing when you did what you did. Payne planned it from the moment he asked me out and probably before then even."

"I love you so much. I am so sorry that you are reliving all of this."

"I know."

Maggie turned so that she was facing Spencer. Her face was very serious but not angry and, for once, not scared.

"I need to tell you something and I need you to listen very carefully, okay my prince?"

"I'm listening."

"I need you to know that I forgive you. This may take a little while for me to get over, you really did put a bit of a scare into me, but you do not need to constantly apologize to me. I accept all of your apologies and have no need for more of them."

"You're amazing, do you know that?"

"What I am is crazy in love with a very wounded man."

"Actually what you are is in need of some rest. Please try to go back to sleep."

"Doctor's orders?"

"Yes."

Maggie snuggled her head back into his chest.

"I love you."

Spencer smiled. Things were not back to normal but they were damned awful close. His love was in his arms willingly and relaxing into sleep against him.

"I love you too."

* * *

Morning came with no further incident and Spencer woke before Maggie. There she was back in his arms as he always wanted her to be. There was no death grip around him, only her arm draped limply across his midsection. Her face was placid and more lovely than any poet's description of angels. He felt tears begin to form in his eyes. It didn't matter her words or actions, he wasn't sure if he could ever feel worthy of this again. He twirled her hair with his fingers realizing how much he would miss her when she finally came to her senses and dumped him.

Maggie woke slowly and lifted her head.

"Hey there handsome. Good morning."

At the sound of her sweet voice and the sight of that warm smile, Spencer could no longer hold off the tears.

"Hey, hey…what's wrong, my prince?"

"I'm not a prince or a brave knight or any other sweet term of endearment you can come up with. You'll realize it eventually."

"Actually I probably won't. I'm a little slow on the uptake."

"I'm serious Maggie."

"You're running around in your head without adult supervision again, aren't you? I'm not going to leave you or kick you out or any such silliness."

"You say that but eventually you'll wonder why you're with someone like me. You're beautiful and good and kind and bright and funny and I'm dorky and awkward and a monster."

Maggie tilted her head and looked at him with a bemused look upon her face.

"What is it you do at the FBI anyway?"

"Maggie."

"I'm serious because I can't see how you can profile all those murderers and bombers and such when you can't see what is in front you most of the time. You are sweet and gentle and gorgeous. You were disoriented for one small moment and you did one wrong thing. That one thing doesn't negate every good thing we have together. It can't. We can't let it."

She was actually pleading with him, begging him to believe in this with her.

"Gorgeous?"

"Why do you think I worked to muster up all of that courage to talk to you that day on campus? I love every thing about you now but that day it was all about how amazingly beautiful you are."

"Really?"

"Yes, really, you are such a goofball sometimes."

Maggie kissed him on the neck and then on the mouth. There was not a hint of the fear of the previous day. Spencer moved to get out of bed but Maggie held his wrist.

"And just where do you think you're going?"

He didn't really want to answer, not when things were just starting to get back on track but then Maggie glanced at his lap and saw his tented pajamas. Spencer looked away filled with shame.

"Oh, I see, you were off to go take care of that then?"

He nodded still unable to look at her. He didn't know which was worse, the possibility she'd think him in some way deviant for having an erection or her knowing that he was about to go masturbate. He tried once again to leave the bed but Maggie's fingers only tightened around his wrist.

"Stay."

She spoke so softly that he wasn't sure he heard her correctly. Maggie pulled him toward where she was still laying on the bed.

"Maggie, you…"

"Shhhh…..I want this Spencer."

"But you're hurt, we can't."

"We can do plenty."

She traced her fingers down his torso sliding them under the waistbands of his pajamas and boxers. At last her hand found what it was looking for and he moaned when it did. As her hand slid up and down, very deliberately at first, her tongue drew circles on his neck. Her hand quickened its pace as she ever so gently raked her teeth over his ear lobe. He moaned louder and she knew he was very close. Her hand worked even faster and his body tensed and then relaxed. He looked somewhat absently at the puddle on his abdomen.

"Maggie…"

"You don't have to say anything. I wanted to touch you; to be close and intimate with you. I have missed that so much."

"But you…"

"Got a great deal of pleasure from making you feel good. There will be plenty of opportunities for us to make love in the future and we will but this is what we both needed right now."


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay, this chapter is written with some apologies to Lewis Carroll for stealing his poem. For those who aren't familiar, the poem Maggie recites is called "Jabberwocky." It's something I used to recite to my own sons when they were littel tykes and it never failed to make them happy. -J**

Later that day, Spencer and Maggie were in her car, she behind the wheel and he giving directions.

"Spencer will you at least tell me where we are going?"

"Well, that would totally ruin the surprise, now wouldn't it? Turn here."

Maggie does and sees that they are at a park.

"We have parks in Williamsburg, dear. Will you please tell me why I just drove most of the distance to D.C. to end up at a park?"

Spencer looks uneasy as if he's not sure this surprise will go over well. It is then that Maggie sees the table with balloons attached and around that table are faces she remembers vaguely from that horrible night when she collected her dear Spencer, wounded and nearly catatonic, from the jet. She turned to Spencer for explanation.

"You see, my fair maiden, it's time for you to officially meet the family, or, more to the point, for them to meet you."

Maggie gets out of the car eying Spencer suspiciously.

"How long have you had this planned?"

He looked at her apologetically, knowing this wasn't the best timing for this little get together.

"Long enough that it would have raised suspicions among the team if I called it off. I know after what happened the other night that this might not be appropriate anymore. Please tell me if you're not okay with this."

"This isn't just okay, it's wonderful!"

She grabbed his hand and nearly dragged him over to his co-workers. Once at the picnic table, Maggie looked to Spencer waiting for him to initiate the introductions.

"Everybody, this is Dr. Margaret James."

"Please call me Maggie."

"Maggie, this is everyone. Don't worry too much about names—"

"Spencer you talk so much about them I think I can figure out who everyone is without you even telling me. Let me try."

She looked to Spencer and he nodded.

"Let's see, Derek Morgan, we've met, although rather briefly. And you must be Emily Prentiss. Spencer's right, you are very pretty."

Prentiss looks slightly bashful at this.

"And Jennifer Jareau, still the only person in the world who calls him Spence. He loves that by the way."

"You can call me J.J."

"Thank you, J.J. and that must be Will next to you and that darling child in your arms must be Spencer's godson Henry. Oh he is precious, but I don't need to tell you that do I? And David Rossi, I actually read a couple of your books since knowing Spencer. Very interesting, if a little darker than what I am used to. Not exactly the Browning's. And Aaron Hotchner."

"Hotch, please."

"And this handsome fellow must be Jack. And there she is, there would be no mistaking Penelope Garcia for anyone else."

As if she had been waiting for Maggie to get to her, Garcia nearly sprinted to her and hugged this new member of the family tightly.

"I am so happy to finally meet you. I have been hearing about you for so long. I told him he should ask you out."

"Wait a minute," interjected Morgan, "you knew about Maggie for that long? What gives, kid?"

Spencer blushed and tried to explain.

"I was afraid you'd tease me and I had no idea what I was doing."

"So he came to Auntie Garcia and I set him straight. Anyway, you make our little genius happy so I like you so far."

Once the getting to know phase was over and commotion had died down the larger group broke into smaller conversations and Maggie went to get herself a glass of iced tea.

"Maggie?"

Maggie turned to see Morgan standing there.

"Agent Morgan, hello."

"No 'agent' here, just Derek or Morgan. Can I talk to you about something?"

"Of course, Derek."

"I'm really sorry about our last meeting."

"You mean our only meeting, the one where you handed off my injured and emotionally fractured boyfriend to me on the tarmac? Well, I surely would have liked to have met you under different circumstances but those couldn't really be helped, could they?"

"I guess they couldn't."

"I'm not naïve, I know what Spencer does for a living and I know the darkness that inhabits those you hunt. I wish this hadn't happened to him but it did. I am thankful that you told me what happened so that I could help him through it."

"I didn't feel like I had a choice. Reid still wasn't able to talk when we touched down."

"Oh you had a choice but I don't think that would have been a good one."

"So, how's he doing, really?

"He has good days and not so good. It's been more good than bad lately. He's still kind of jumpy and there are the nightmares, of course. But then he wasn't immune to those before. You should get him back fairly shortly."

"I can't believe you have been dealing with this all on your own. It can't have been easy."

"I love him. That makes everything easier to deal with. Besides if there had been anything I couldn't handle, I would have called. It wasn't pride that kept me from calling; it's just that I can handle him."

Maggie walked over to where Reid was standing near J.J. and Will and holding little Henry.

"Wow. Really honey, that looks good on you, who would have thought?"

Spencer blushed and J.J. laughed a little at him.

"See Spence, I told you, you're a natural with him."

They all laughed and talked briefly about Henry and how much everyone had missed Spencer around the office. Then Maggie looked over to see Jack Hotchner a few feet away. He was alone under a tree bouncing a soccer ball repeatedly against the trunk. Maggie went to him and sat down in the cool grass.

"Hey Jack, my name is Maggie."

Jack looked at her quizzically and then went back to bouncing his soccer ball.

"I'm a friend of Dr. Reid's."

"He's not a real doctor, you know."

This made Maggie giggle.

"Well, he's not the kind of doctor you see when you're sick but he's real enough. Doctor just means that you went to school a really, really long time and got to know a whole lot about a certain thing."

"What does he know about?"

"Oh, lot's of things; he got to be a doctor three times."

"Are you a doctor too?"

"Yup, literature, that's like books and poems and stuff like that."

"I like books."

"Me too, I especially like books with poems in them. What kind do you like?"

"The ones with knights and dragons and super heroes."

"Is that because your daddy is like a knight or a super hero?"

Jack nods.

"I know a story, well, actually it's a poem that you might like. But it's kind of tricky because the words aren't like what you're used to. You can't try to figure out what each word means, you just have to listen and let your brain go with what it kind of sounds like. Do you want to try?"

Jack nods eagerly and Maggie smiles.

"'Twas brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe; All mimsy were the borogoves and the mome raths outgrabe."

Maggie went on reciting the tale of the slaying of the foul Jabberwocky. She acted out every scene right down to the actual beheading of the creature with Jack hanging on every word. She didn't even realize that she had an audience of more than one until she had finished and looked up to see the whole team watching her transfixed. She chose to acknowledge only the intended recipient of the tale, the previously sad little boy who was now beaming a smile at her that could surely have melted glaciers.

"So Jack, what did you think?"

He clapped and smiled.

"That was great. Do you know more stories like that?"

"Indeed I do. We'll have to hang out again sometime so I can tell them to you."

Without warning, Jack threw his arms around her and she hugged him back.

"Maggie are we friends now?"

"I sure would like that if you would."

He nodded against her neck and then went off to kick his soccer ball around the park. Garcia looked at Maggie, then Jack, then to a smiling Hotch, then to the rest of the team and then finally to Spencer.

"I think I speak for everyone when I say, we approve."

Spencer smiled brightly.

"I knew you would."


	10. Chapter 10

As the picnic breaks up, Maggie and Reid walk to her car and she tosses him the car keys.

"Are you okay?"

Maggie slid into the seat of the car and winced.

"Just tired and sore."

They drove a while in silence. Maggie had reclined her seat to take the pressure off of her injuries but Spencer knew she wasn't sleeping.

"Maggie, can I talk to you about something?"

"Of course, my love, what is it?"

"What you said earlier when I was holding Henry."

"Honey, I was just making an observation. I didn't mean anything by it."

"But you do want children someday?"

"Sure. I always have but I figured that I would just end up an old maid playing auntie to friends' kids."

"And now?"

"Well, now I have a handsome genius, I can only imagine the beautiful, brilliant children we could have. Not now but someday when we're maybe not so psychologically messed up."

"Maggie, I'm not sure that's something I could want."

"But you'd be a great dad. Just because yours wasn't all you needed him to be doesn't mean you won't be terrific."

"It's not that, it's, well, do you know the statistics on heredity and schizophrenia?"

"No but if I ever desire to, I'm sure you can tell me."

"I have lived my entire life in fear of becoming my mother. I love her but she has lived a hell that most can't imagine. I don't know if I could bring a child into a life of that kind of fear and uncertainty."

"Sweetie, every life is full of uncertainty and you've escaped the disease. I personally would love to see what the offspring of Spencer Reid would be like. But if we ever get to that place in our lives and relationship and you still feel you can't or don't want to biologically father a child, we could adopt. I can be flexible."

"I feel bad though because I'm sure you've dreamed of having a child of your own."

"It would be my own. Well, actually it would be ours which would be way better, even."

"You'd be an amazing mother. I can't believe you know Jabberwocky by heart."

"Don't you?"

"Yes, but I know everything I've ever read by heart. And I surely couldn't have done it like you did. You brought it to life."

"Like many girls, I babysat in high school. It kept my little charges entertained."

"When Jack hugged you, I think that's the first time I've seen Hotch smile since, well, you know."

"Actually, Spencer, I don't. You told me Jack's mother had died but I don't know a thing except that you look simultaneously guilty and panicked every time you mention it."

"We're almost home. Can we talk about it there? It's kind of a long story."

"Of course we can."

Maggie took his hand in hers, intertwining their fingers and they drove the remaining distance home without speaking.

* * *

At Maggie's house, they are on the couch. Spencer has been relating the whole saga of George Foyet, the Reaper. How he stopped killing to torture the Boston cop with whom he had made a deal and then how he set his sights on Hotch. Hotch's attack, and the discovery that Haley and Jack were targets because of how that would hurt Hotch. The team's hunt for Foyet and how they found him just too late to save Haley. Tears were running down his face as he spoke and Maggie was crying as well.

"Spencer, you can't possibly blame yourself for her death?"

"I know we couldn't have done more than what we did but still it feels like we should have been able to do more."

"How horrible, no wonder that poor child looks so sad. I can't even imagine. And how Hotch even stays together enough to take care of Jack. I can see why he is so stoic, if he allowed emotion to sneak through, he might fall apart and never recover."

"He didn't smile much before."

"So I know why you look guilty when you think on what happened. Why the panic in your eyes?"

"We still deal with these sick people. Any one of them could be like Foyet. He could try to go after one of us by hurting the people we love. And the guilt you see isn't because we couldn't save Haley."

"You feel guilty because you have what Hotch lost?"

Spencer nods trying not to cry again.

"And you are afraid someone might try to hurt me to get to you?"

"It's not likely but it scares me that what I do for a living could put you in danger. I mean, it already has. You have had to deal with my problems and my nightmares and well, what happened the other night. And that's all from me, I can't even imagine if an unsub decided to target you."

"I'm not so worried right this minute. You're here to protect me. And you won't ever hurt me again. I just know it. As for your guilt, I don't think Hotch begrudges you your happiness. He looks at you like a son, I think. He wants you to be happy. You have a beautiful family, Spencer. I was a little nervous to meet them. I didn't know if they'd like me."

"Not like you? Of course they would like you. You are wonderful and beautiful and if there was any doubt, that little exchange with Jack won everyone over. I have never been so proud in my life than I was today to see the way my team looked at you and to know that you are my, well."

"It hasn't changed, baby, I'm your girlfriend."

"I know."

Maggie stood and scowled slightly.

"Still hurts?"

"Yeah, wish it would stop but I guess that some things just take time."

Spencer wrapped his arms around her drawing her into a tight embrace and then in a very unSpencer-like move he whispered in her ear.

"I could kiss and make it better."

"Why Spencer Reid, you have a naughty little boy hiding inside of you."

She giggled a lusty giggle and led him up the stairs.


	11. Chapter 11

Days later, in the early hours of a typical Sunday—well as typical as they could ever hope for anyway—Spencer lay completely spent with Maggie on top of him in his arms. He could feel himself sliding out of her and as he did, he held her tighter; needing to prolong the contact. At this moment everything in his world was absolutely perfect. Then he felt hot liquid on his chest. She was crying. Was it too soon? Did he hurt her? Had he unwittingly pressured her into something she now regretted? Before he could ask what was wrong, she spoke.

"I missed that so much. God, I love you."

"You're happy?"

She just squeezed him tighter and nodded against him. Slowly Maggie slid from atop him keeping her head against his shoulder, one arm tightly across his stomach and the other hand twirling into his hair.

"I told you so."

"What Maggie?"

"I told you we'd be okay."

"Yes you did, I should never doubt you."

"Do you really have to go back?"

"Yes. My counselor said I'm okay and if I put it off, I might never go back at all. Though I'm sure that wouldn't upset you if I just up and quit the FBI."

"Don't say that. I know what your job means to you and I meant what I said before, I am very proud of you and what you do. I will never like the danger you are sometimes in but it's not for me to like, it's for me to accept. It's just that I'll miss you. I've gotten kind of used to you being around here."

"I know, I'll miss you too."

"Do they know you'll be back tomorrow?"

"Hotch and Morgan do but I don't think they've told the rest of the team."

"Are you trying to surprise them?"

"I just don't want a big fuss."

Maggie sort of frowns up at him trying to read his expression.

"You're nervous aren't you?"

"I'm looking forward to the work part but, yeah, I'm nervous to be back around everyone again."

"You worry too much."

"I know."

Maggie gets up giggling at him as she does.

"So, my sweet, handsome prince, this is your last day here for a while. What do you want to do?"

"I was thinking I might just stay in bed all day with my sexy, beautiful girlfriend."

"Oh, I see, and when is she coming over?"

"You're a silly girl, you know that?"

"Am I?"

"Indeed and you standing there naked like you don't know how gorgeous you are is about to do me in. You need to either put some clothes on or get back in bed."

"Well, I'm closer to the bed than the closet, so bed it is."

"I was really hoping you'd say that."

Maggie giggled and slid back under the covers and that is where they stayed until Spencer had to get ready to leave.

"Maggie, what is all of this?"

Maggie was loading bags into his arms.

"Food. Everything is packaged and frozen and I wrote all of the reheating instructions for you. You don't get to stop taking care of yourself just because I'm not there."

"I am capable of feeding myself."

"You really think so? Well, you were really doing a bang up job of it before you met me. Besides you might just be glad to have a home cooked meal every now and then."

"You're right, I will."

Once all bags were placed in his car, he turned back to Maggie. Spencer wrapped his arms around her and kissed her deeply. Maggie sighed.

"You're just determined to make this even harder, aren't you?"

"It's never easy saying goodbye to you."

"Wow. If this profiler thing doesn't work out, you could always go to work for Hallmark."

Spencer laughed but he didn't really feel like laughing. He really did hate leaving her. He got into his car and Maggie leaned in the window for one last kiss.

"You know I won't be sleeping very well so you can call anytime if you need, well, anything. I love you my prince."

"I love you too Maggie."

And off he drove into the waning light of evening completely torn apart. He loved his job and was very excited, if a little nervous, to be going back. But he loved Maggie too. Being away from her, going back to his empty apartment and even emptier bed was about as appealing as root canal. The rest of the drive home—not home, Maggie was home, he was just going back to his apartment—was spent putting every bit of his intellect to work in solving the problem of his conflicted heart. He was still pondering this the next morning as he walked into work and sat down at his desk.

Morgan walked over to Spencer's desk and dropped a stack of files in front of the younger man.

"Cold cases, I'm glad you're back, kid."

**So that leads us to where spencer returns to work in my other story, "X" Hope you enjoyed. Let me know.-J**


End file.
